Last week was national pie week, I mention this as we had an outstanding Sheppards pie made by yours truly for after match teas, so out standing man of the match was a close run thing and nearly ended up going to the pie it’s also a good metaphor for what we were throwing at the oppo goalkeeper whilst in search of goals during the match – pies, and lots of ’em.

As per the other less junior members of the 2s match reports it’s hard to remember what actually occurred during the match normally but Saturday at home V acomb is proving to be especially non descript and tricky to remember, much like my last match report when we also played about 69 minutes of the 70 in the opposition half but unlike my last match report it’s not because we were bothering the scorers 9-0 in the magnificent way the 2s do its because we were trying, trying, trying but all we seemed to come up with is the previously mentioned pies for most of the game.

It bode well from the start, G messaged at 12.35 to say he would pick the big lad (that’s what his kids call me apparently) and the pie up from the pub at 12.20 for a 12.30 meet, so we got there at 12.54, is Harry (the Hyde to G’s jekkyl) becoming a touch feral?

No biggie just the whole team waiting and a sizeable fine to pay, we appeared to be playing a new formation according to the new? board but thankfully no we lacked the usual clip board of truth and power so the skipper had gone all freestyle.

This happened as a pivotal, founding member of the ADU had gone AWOL, galavanting with some old geysers some where cold and neglected the fact he’s in charge of all the team items so I presume their still all stagnating in a car boot in an airport car park somewhere. Strimmer the Hallam destroyer was also AWOL sourcing better meal deals, but alas none found were better so he left us for naught but we shall prevail.

We went out to watch the ladies 1s for a bit as their game was delayed according to jackson( regular readers of other team’s match reports will know why, non readers – shame on you!) “We’ll go watch till half time then come in, do the team talk, warm up and samsh ’em” says holford. Walk up to the pitch and the half time whistle goes so we walk straight back to the changing rooms – smooth Sam!

Like the start of his plan not going how the skipper wanted, the 2s game of smashing ’em faltered too, we dominated the game and allowed acomb nothing 1st half but 1 hopeful ball played into the D and 1 flashed deflection which I think went off the sideline, up the other end we hemmed them in, with the skipper in particular busting his lungs, we played the press and created the chances, sometimes, other times we got frustrated and all “long handle” which doesn’t suit us, except luke, he loves it, it’s his thing! So we couldn’t score apart from once, mainly due to a particularly wasteful goblin who had what was described in 1 DOD nomination as a $H1€ show. In fainess he’s 30+ for the season so I can’t snake him out too much this time.

Half time, 1-0 I think, not sure who scored or how but I bet it was scrappy.

We spoke about better cohesion and other excellent things for the 2nd half but we went out and got busy with the pies again instead, the only highlights of the 2nd half were then big lad expertly dealing with a big throw into our D to deny the lone attacker, the only time MOM keiran got done the whole game, biff chanelling the good lord to resurrect him self for just 1 more J-run, jackson listening…ish, no talk of antiques, 0 passes from home CBs to oppo FWds, 0 shorts against the whole game and 2 more goals scored by some one some how.


A few low lights being rich partners green card for a magnificent 2 foot sliding tackle, them scoring a consolation at the death with their only chance, sham getting what can only be described as assaulted from behind by the only other guy on the pitch in my weight category leaving his foot looking some what like a hobbit’s, a white hobbit according to some???

G/Harry doing nasty things to his leg and being abandoned by the lads (totally abandoned he even has a picture), The goblin playing “round the clock” with the oppo gk hitting him head, leg, chest, arm, other leg, “tassle”, other arm, chest again and various scenic parts of the fortress but crucially not the goal, in the end we very boringly and always in 100% control managed to win 3-1 to confirm promotion with 2 to play, needing 2 points to secure the championship (as long as the YHA don’t change from the usual promotion criteria that is) we got pie, the goblin got DOD, and paddy got some hellish joint fines for kerry katona (who will no doubt be expensing it) and strimmer (who seems to have taken up as a part time glazzier to cover the extra costs, though there is some thing fishy about how he gets his business)

Thanks for staying with me and apologies for not remembering the scorers though it may have been holford, bish and boag, hold the press!!!!!!!
boag definitely scored and not on waterbased either that’s why I remember it, it wasn’t that 1 other time, that puts a whole new complexion on things, hold on Im Just off to rewrite this…….


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    1. Minor details. It was head first flat stick half rugby half indoor hockey technique. Swollen wrist confirms first contact was with the hand Jim! But 2nd,3rd &4th was with the acomb player. I’ll take my medicine. It stopped a shooting opportunity just don’t factor in being replaced by Boag in front of the defence!

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