Words by Been Lemming.

Before the night out, the brave, brave men and boy of the Leeds 2s Adel Hockey Club Men’s Second Team First Eleven faced a depleted Sheffield Hallam side. Freshly lidded captain Holford showed them no quarter and the game was played against 8.

The match, such as it was, was difficult to get into for both teams. Sheffield struggled to get into the game, aside from a single lapse in concentration in the 1st half, which allowed them to score a sloppy goal. Despite scoring 11, (6 x Gobbo Buller, 1 each for Heinz, Holford, Boag [yeah, really], Jackson and Partner), Adel were at times frustrated by the lack of clinical finishing and wasteful passing in the middle of the pitch. Nowhere was this frustration more apparent than with two of the most horrendous misses which ever stained an astroturf. From centimetres out, Miles Buller somehow cleared the lacrosse pitches. Boag, wanting to get in on the act, rounded the goalkeeper with a brilliant first touch before slicing the ball wide from the penalty spot. Not to be left out of all this s-housery, Leeming suffered some kind of brain problem and kicked the ball twice and started a rare attack for the opposition under no pressure and with half the pitch to himself.

Other notable incidents included; Holford nearly bursting a blood vessel in his eye after two innocuous mistakes from Jackson; tiny baba Luke being spoken to like a small, little baby boy; Will Powley bringing his dad along for his input; Si Taylor doing more attacking than defending; Richy Beans getting through an entire game without a card and Goblin Senior getting a glistening pair of jugs in for the lads. Once the game was dispensed with and the fines wrung from the guilty, thoughts turned East, to exotic spices and intoxicating liquours.

Looking like a veritable squad, the L2AHCMSTFE men descended upon Headingly as a swarm of roughly 14 locusts. Inexorably we were drawn, mothlike, flamewards, to Akmal’s Tandoori Bistro. “Avoid At All Costs” declares Richard O’s Tripadvisor review. But we would do no such thing. We were on a voyage of flavour, through a sea of basmati rice, poppadoms and Cobra. Everyone had a lovely spoonful of chana chaat, Holford spilled his on his unkempt beard, a silly, messy man. Our thirst for flavour satiated, the banter machine rolled on. We took in several more pubs and bars. Had some nice drinks and shared companionable conversation between ourselves and the other Adel luminaries who joined us along the way. A brilliant time was had by all, no-one pestered any dogs, and everyone made it home safe, as far as I know.

MOM – Ben / Miles / Jack – Miles declared winner by boat race instant replay

DOD – Boag – shocking, shocking miss

Goals – Buller (6), Partner, Holford, Boag, Jackson, Heinz