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(Trust me, I’m a Jedi.)

The inter-Adel Republic is caught in the throes of a bitter civil war.

Under a blinding shroud of luminous orange, the evil forces of the not so mysterious Count Um Pyre Poll gather before the heroes of the republic’s fourth (mens) squadron led by Obi Ross Nichobi, determined to thwart their quest to restore justice (though perhaps not peace and quiet) to the YHA pyramid.

With pretensions of peaceful intent and plucky underdog status winning them favour amongst the outlying systems along the sidelines, Admiral Skull E picks his droid army out off the junkyard floor and into what could be vaguely be called an attack formation.

Undeterred, the Phwoars give battle for a second time this season. The fight is led by promising young padawan Charlie whose silky hockeysaber skills soon gave the Phwoars an advantage, (break from narrative voice: an absolute screamer of a volley!) doubled by adorable tubby Ewok Sa M, and resolutely defended by the gravity defying gymnastics of Jedi Council member Matt Bro Wn, and the calming, at times a little too meditative influence of Jedi Master Sibley – old as time and fast as light (kind of).

The day is far from won, and rather than shooting womp rats, the Phwoarce find themselves up against the agility  of a resurgent junior sith academy, nurtured for so secretively for so long at a hideout on the planet Le Eds Gramma, beyond the outer rim of the ring road.

After some assertive words from Qwhy-Phelps-Gon Gym, and further blows struck by bounty hunter Allan as well as Bingham the beach hutt, victory looks assured.

Then, with the forces of good sure to prevail, disaster strikes! the  wicked Senator Stef An, having long since betrayed the Jedi and joined the dark side, slinks back into the fray with a vengeance. Um Pyre Poll reveals his true colours having decieved the beleaguered Phwoars with some questionable imperial edicts, some members of the x wing black squadron go rogue, and the forces of darkness close in.

Twisted and enraged by the desire to spread chaos across Yorks Div 5 Southwest, the ‘siths of the fifths’ strike lucky with two devastating blows, causing netkeeper of the republic Mile Zee to succumb to the forces of anger and hate.

Fortunately, the resilience of the brave phwoarce holds true, victory is won in the dying light of the day. Justice is restored, and a new hope (of back to back promotions) is born.

Young Padawan Charlie is nominated hero of the republic. Hopefully the power and fame does not lead him into the clutches of the Dark Lord Beale. Mile Zee is chastised for being tempted by rage, Ewok Sa M narrowly escapes being voted worst dressed Jedi at the council meeting.

Coming soon: Episode III: The return of the Dragons to Adel.