Image result for trump image jpg orange

A message from our Club President…..


Image result for twitter logo jpg   Mens 5s lost 2-0 against Chapeltown 4s, despite dominating throughout.  Bad.  Very bad.  I have told all team captains we must strengthen our border security, with even tighter checks on people entering the D.  #BuildTheWall

Image result for twitter logo jpg   First half, one way traffic: Max, Matty, Fin, Tom A and Tom P all on fire,  you really have to come and watch these guys.  It’s like a normal 5th team, only better.   Brief cameo by Richard Beal.  Surely just a matter of time til the first goal.

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Stef running the angles, driving run into the D by ageless Hedgie, killer pass to goal machine Max, who scores.  But Special Prosecutor Poll blows his whistle for a short.   Sad.  So sad.   #fakenews

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Ramgharia.  They have NO ladies teams!!!   No-one respects women more than I do.  By the way ladies, I don’t think those new skorts are too short.

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Appointed “man of steel” Skully as my Secretary for De-fense.  Wins DoD after leaving an old codger unmarked in the D; ignores warning from Mikey about the clear & present danger.  Turns out the old codger can score with the one chance he gets in the entire game.  0-1.   Have accepted resignation of #crookedskully

Image result for twitter logo jpg   I am imposing an IMMEDIATE travel ban on Huddersfield.  And Halifax.  I don’t like going to these places.  Traffic is bad, food is rubbish, umpires are mean. #lockthemup

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Second half, we can turn this around.   Let’s make Adel great again!  Finlay now bossing the midfield, winning every tackle, superb movement, slick passing:  he wins the popular vote (just like I did) and is the people’s choice for MoM.

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Stefan switch to centre forward, Tom A making the wide runs, Matty at centre, Dave Madge guesting on the wing.  Superb defensive work by rising star Murf who tackles and tracks their best player for 70 mins.  I am knackered just watching him.

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Perhaps we’ll score one now and settle for a draw, or even steal a late winner?  Like how I won the election….   Umpteenth short corner for Adel; all the attackers have gone up for it.  And the midfielders.  And, er, Tony and the rest of the the de-fense.  Wait, what?!

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Chapeltown clear the short to halfway, where they have five men lurking, running against Murf who has been abandoned by his team mates.  He’s good but not that good.  In goal is Mikey: playing despite an injury, has done nothing wrong all day, picks the ball out of the net for a second time.  0-2.  What a total #covfefe

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Helluva game.   Chapeltown cannot believe their luck, 70 minutes penned in their own half, two chances, two goals, 2-0.  We play their 3s next week: revenge is a dish best served cold.  Just like our garlic pasta, which soon wiped the smile off their faces back in the bar…

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Meanwhile,  I am busy with world affairs.  Mr Putin, the Ben Rhydding president, says we should always let his sides win.   I said no way Boris, you are Adel’s oldest rivals.  But then he explained he still has the video from my holiday in Ilkley, so now we are going to be best friends.

Image result for twitter logo jpg   Anybody fancy golf instead next week?


Rachel Barson

Rachel Barson · 13th November 2017 at 11:58 am

This is very funny ?? thank you

David Akroyd

David Akroyd · 13th November 2017 at 1:06 pm


Allan Carvalho

Allan Carvalho · 13th November 2017 at 6:38 pm

My Fav write up yet! Keep em coming?

Stefan Palenski

Stefan Palenski · 13th November 2017 at 11:19 pm

That report was great. So great.

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