Despite captain Holford’s pregame rally cry for war on whatsapp, the Men’s 2nd team turned up in nothing other than lacklustre fashion. The day started off with some pre-match tactics in the changing room, focusing on keeping our game simple and passing the ball around the ageing population of Ramgharia.

The usual warm-up from Sam drew moans and despair from the travelling team, leaving some of the ‘less fit’ of the team struggling for air – I do agree Sam; it would be positive for the 2s to work on their fitness.

The game started with nothing short of absolutely no energy from both teams. Within 3 minutes we lost the wise legs of Giles Primmer to a gruesome hamstring injury. To then lose ‘Strommer’ 2 minutes later, to the weakest of yellow cards was a less than ideal start.

Some distinctly average hockey from both sides and some very slow play from Ramgharia led to possibly the dullest first half I have ever partaken in. Safe to say the idea of playing ‘simple hockey’ had not yet sunk in. The highlight being their 60-year-old ‘winger’ managing to keep the ball in our corner for upwards of 5 minutes.

The second half thankfully brought a slightly more open game, allowing our midfield and forwards chance to carry the ball into the opposition half with ease, but that’s about as far as it got.

The best outlet for the opposition was some frankly embarrassing frying pan aerial/squarial attempts. These aerials soon became lifted hits, thankfully nobody was hurt, as the bloke sending them had absolutely no clue where anything was going. It took till about 20 minutes to go for the simple hockey to kick in and some surprisingly good but simple work from Jackson fed ‘Strommer’ through, who drew a defender and gave a pass across goal for Miles to guide the ball into the bottom corner. 0-1 to Adel.

Frankly from this point on it was downhill. New arrival Luke managed to get himself a 2-minute rest in the sin bin for lifting his stick too high, whilst the rest of the traveling side lacked any basic skills or intelligence, making numerous simple mistakes and failing to play simple 5 metre passes. Safe to say it was a far from enjoyable experience.

Ramgharia managed to score a goal, with special thanks to our back line for playing their forward in with a through ball.

The opposition was then awarded a pretty average flick for obstruction; with 3 minutes to go we could do nothing to change the outcome. Safe to say 2-1 Ramgharia was probably a fair score, given the abysmal lack of ability portrayed by the travelling Men’s 2nd team.

In conclusion, things to work on:

  1. If everyone could get to training and work on passing the ball 5 metres that would be grand.
  2. Get Giles a new hamstring.
  3. Using the 3 acres of space on the left hand side of the pitch may have been beneficial.
  4. Boag needs to stop avoiding hockey just because he owns a fox.
  5. Stroomer (a.k.a Strommer) – don’t miss the fines pot with a fiver. Speechless.
  6. Don’t rely on Sam for a tap in.
  7. Below are Sam’s SMART targets for adapting his warm up regimen.
  8. Everyone be better – cos that was poor.

Warm-up – Sam got no eyes Jackson

I have received several pieces of feedback regarding the warm ups I lead for the Men’s 2s. Here is a brief overview of the comments I have received and how I plan to implement or ignore them going forward.

Some of the comments I have received are too graphic for a family club, but it basically comes down to this:

  1. The warm ups are too long
  2. The warm ups are too short
  3. The warm ups do not start with stretching
  4. The warm ups start with too much running

(Specific) – Decrease the amount of running in the pre-game warm up by 2 minutes.

M (Measurable) – Reduce the amount from 7 minutes to 5.

A (Achievable) – I am confident that I can tell the time.

R (Realistic) – I believe the team can run for 5 minutes without dying.

T (Time-bound) – Next warm up routine.

Thank you to Miles for the opportunity to write a section of this match report*.

*Disclaimer – This is not part of the match report, you will still get  £1 fine next week for not having written a match report*.